BLOG: STRUGGLING

It is now Monday morning and almost everyone in the Dreaming of Kate band and crew is in Liverpool by now. Keyboard player Louis has arrived from Holland yesterday, with a car filled with equipment, props and clothes. He has moved into 'our house' too. The house is a bit like a student house, and we refer to it as The House. 

Jerney, Louis and I have had a great day yesterday, with a walk through Sefton Park and a lot of jamming with our friends The Gamblers, and later that night even more jamming with just the three of us in a nearby bar. I was the first to head home though, knowing I would have to get up early for a 10:00 dance rehearsal.

And now it is Monday morning and I had a horrible sleep. The rest of the gang coming home woke me from a very deep sleep (which quite possibly involved a bad dream) in the middle of the night. I woke up frustrated and couldn't fall asleep for another hour or so. It wasn't getting better: before my alarm went off I had also been woken up by the neighbour dog, by a general feeling I had overslept and by a text message from our social media helper from Holland.

I am in the dance studio and I'm struggling. I had already had a short night followed by a morning dance rehearsal yesterday, but today frustration strikes. My body does not want to be upside down today, and I feel like every muscle in my body is still asleep. I have been trying to get the beginning of the new choreography for Running up that Hill right, but I struggle. It feels like I have to start over three times every time to get it right. It's not complicated, but for some reason I struggle. And I'm tired, I need to get some more sleep, if I want to focus on other routines, I I need some of the rehearsal videos that are not on the iPad I brought to the studio. I want my body and mind to cooperate. I can't motivate myself, I just want to lie on the floor and feel sorry for myself.

How to turn all this frustration around? I decided to write some of it down (hence this post). And I decided to try dancing Running up that Hill with my eyes closed, and without singing. And that was a brilliant idea, if I may say so myself. I felt more connected to the song again, and instead of wanting to lie on the floor and cry my eyes out, I wanted to dance the routine again!

I'll allow myself two more rounds of Running up that Hill and will quit this rehearsal a bit early. This afternoon and evening are all about band rehearsals. I will take a nap this afternoon though, thanks to lovely Jerney who offered to fill in for me for a while this afternoon so I can get some more sleep. I always feel guilty when I'm slacking, so I'm really happy I managed to find at least a little bit of use to this rehearsal, and I think I can convince myself a couple of hours of sleep will be beneficial to the second half of our band rehearsal tonight...

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